Today I went for a CT scan to prepare for upcoming radiation as part of my breast cancer journey. I’ve been posting some reflections about my experiences for friends in my personal social media accounts, but I will share one here because it pertains to the way we can go about the technicalities of our work as nurses.
I thought about adding a filter to brighten up the appearance of the room, but why lie? It’s a drab medical room, cold when you’re half covered in a drapey blue gown, just you and your imperfect body part bared open to a stranger. It’s all technicality.
If that’s all you see, then it’s empty and sad, life stripped down to technicalities where my puckered flesh is for scans and red Sharpie marks and sunburns without a sun.
But if that’s all you see, then you’re missing the story.
The story of a life given more years by the mercy of God and the hand of a surgeon (+ upcoming radiation and hormone therapy). The story of a woman married 18 years and looking for many more of growth with the deepest-hearted man she knows. The story of a mom who hates braiding her kids’ hair and then melts when she sees the little girls looking back at her for eager, still innocent approval. The story of a friend bowled over by the generosity and kindness of the community that holds me up. The story of a nurse who has wept and rejoiced and loved and struggled with a profession caught up in technicalities, fighting for the stories.
The story of a child of God who was made alive, my soul never again to die, because of the compelling love of Jesus. The story of one who would still proclaim the mercy of God even if the prognosis had been poor, because it never would’ve been cancer that killed me. It would’ve been the absence of love, forgiveness, hope, security and joy. But because of Him, I will live deeply in all that is good, despite even the technicality of physical death one day.
But for today, the CT scan is done, and I’ll start radiation next Wednesday. This too will be a part of my story and my story is wrapped up in the greater story of the unshakable, eternal love of God.