Whenever the child abuse cases, or “non-accidental traumas (NATs)” come into our unit, a very tender unsettledness, laced with anger, descends upon all the staff. We hate all kinds of suffering that our little patients endure, but the suffering that comes with intent and disregard from the hands of the very adults who are supposed … Continue reading Caring for Non-Accidental Traumas as a PICU Nurse
grief
UCLA AACN Presentation – The Patient Perspective: The View from the Other Side of the Bed
I didn’t expect so much emotion to surface while preparing for this upcoming presentation. I keep weeping through my run-throughs because I can still barely believe this all happened, and it's so hard to give words to the real things. I’m revisiting our year of health crises (which, let’s be honest, continues to reverberate into … Continue reading UCLA AACN Presentation – The Patient Perspective: The View from the Other Side of the Bed
The Practice of Personal Retreats for Endurance in Nursing
When I talk with nurses about the experience of professional grief, I often use the analogy of freight trucks that are built to carry particularly heavy loads. As tough and admirable as they are for their strength, they still each ultimately have a weight limit that needs to be heeded, if the trucks are going … Continue reading The Practice of Personal Retreats for Endurance in Nursing
Captain of the Ship: On Being PICU Charge Nurse in a Stormy Season
I sat at the helm in a swirl of chaos captain of the ship for the day coming dangerously close to bringing too much weight on board * lives on the verge of going under we were trying our best to bring them to shore to steadier ground to brighter days * and to keep … Continue reading Captain of the Ship: On Being PICU Charge Nurse in a Stormy Season
Sharing in the Loneliness of Extraordinary Suffering: A Nurse’s Quiet Burden
We had all just started our shift when the code bells alarmed. We ran to the room, and someone was already performing CPR. After several rounds, our Attending Physician sadly announced the time of death and we braced ourselves for the mom's agonizing screams. Our chaplain, social worker, respiratory therapist, care partners, and physician colleagues … Continue reading Sharing in the Loneliness of Extraordinary Suffering: A Nurse’s Quiet Burden
From a Fellow ICU Nurse: Honoring Alex Pretti
Alex Pretti was an ICU nurse, just like me. We ICU nurses look at life and all its darkest shadows with eyes wide open, and close up, bearing regular, intimate witness to the multitude of tragedies that befall people. We go to them, think about them, and we think about our lives and our role … Continue reading From a Fellow ICU Nurse: Honoring Alex Pretti
The Ethical Use of our Therapeutic Connections with Patients’ Families
“What would you do, doctor?” The family had been explicit in wanting straightforward communication about their child, whose neurological disease had progressed to the point where she was continually seizing, despite every medication the physicians had tried. The seizures were in turn damaging her brain, such that she was minimally responsive to stimuli and was … Continue reading The Ethical Use of our Therapeutic Connections with Patients’ Families
Grief as a Teacher (revisited)
In my TEDTalk from 2017, I made a comment about grief being a powerful teacher. I've been asked for elaboration on this statement a number of times since then, and I always pause in my response because I know it's true, but it's deep and difficult to explain on the spot. But it deserves a … Continue reading Grief as a Teacher (revisited)
Walking Closely with Families: A Letter
A letter to my long time patient’s mom — You were trapped in the fishbowl of our ICU. You went from a numb stare to near catatonic with grief to terse and closed in to opening your door a crack to pouring your heart out, telling me stories, speaking of fears and hopes and uncertainties … Continue reading Walking Closely with Families: A Letter
On Suppressing Professional Grief
“Help needed stat in 3117” I was resource nurse and saw the text. I looked over to 3117 and saw the commotion of people outside the room. They’d already pulled the crash cart over and I knew right away that no other needs - my colleague’s break relief, another neighbor’s request for help with a … Continue reading On Suppressing Professional Grief
The Heart of Nursing 