“What would you do, doctor?” The family had been explicit in wanting straightforward communication about their child, whose neurological disease had progressed to the point where she was continually seizing, despite every medication the physicians had tried. The seizures were in turn damaging her brain, such that she was minimally responsive to stimuli and was … Continue reading The Ethical Use of our Therapeutic Connections with Patients’ Families
empathy
When Empathy and Desire to Help Others are not Enough to Fuel Nursing
In a recent harrowing shift and the subsequent “I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck” day after, I found myself wondering what was really behind some feelings in me that we generally label “burnout.” Did I just not care enough about my patient and her family to consider all the hard work more … Continue reading When Empathy and Desire to Help Others are not Enough to Fuel Nursing
Grief as a Teacher (revisited)
In my TEDTalk from 2017, I made a comment about grief being a powerful teacher. I've been asked for elaboration on this statement a number of times since then, and I always pause in my response because I know it's true, but it's deep and difficult to explain on the spot. But it deserves a … Continue reading Grief as a Teacher (revisited)
Walking Closely with Families: A Letter
A letter to my long time patient’s mom — You were trapped in the fishbowl of our ICU. You went from a numb stare to near catatonic with grief to terse and closed in to opening your door a crack to pouring your heart out, telling me stories, speaking of fears and hopes and uncertainties … Continue reading Walking Closely with Families: A Letter
On Suppressing Professional Grief
“Help needed stat in 3117” I was resource nurse and saw the text. I looked over to 3117 and saw the commotion of people outside the room. They’d already pulled the crash cart over and I knew right away that no other needs - my colleague’s break relief, another neighbor’s request for help with a … Continue reading On Suppressing Professional Grief
The Year I Almost Walked Out on the Job
I would venture to say that two attributes we all have in common in the pediatric ICU (and nursing in general) are our affinity to be problem-solvers in tough situations, and to be comforters to the suffering. These attributes are what make us all so good at our jobs. They likely also exacerbate our distress … Continue reading The Year I Almost Walked Out on the Job
A Note from/for the Weary Nurse, April 2025
It's been hard to write. But I put this down on another social media site, and thought I would share it here. We are not just nurse-robots that come to work. We are whole people, carrying other burdens on our shoulders from our personal lives, trying to show up the best we can for our … Continue reading A Note from/for the Weary Nurse, April 2025
Participate in the Survey for Grief Sensitive Healthcare Project
"What do I even do as the nurse with this devastated family right now?" When I was in nursing school, I didn't receive any formal training in how to sit with deeply grieving patients and families. I remember one brief exercise in empathy during an ethics class, where my classmates and I awkwardly role-played and … Continue reading Participate in the Survey for Grief Sensitive Healthcare Project
How My Patients and Families Help Me in Seasons of Suffering
When I and my husband had our back-to-back medical crises in 2023, me getting a breast cancer diagnosis followed by him getting a severe spinal cord injury resulting from the most random epidural abscess, I continued working through the bulk of that entire year (minus a week for post-op lumpectomy recovery, and the month I … Continue reading How My Patients and Families Help Me in Seasons of Suffering
A Story About Paying Attention
If I may be perfectly honest with you, I love lighter nursing shifts. Maybe because they are so few and far between in our PICU. Maybe because my to-do list with work and extracurricular nursing projects is never-ending, so I welcome any down time I have in my shifts to chip away at those, rather … Continue reading A Story About Paying Attention
The Heart of Nursing 