I sat at the helm

in a swirl of chaos 

captain of the ship for the day

coming dangerously close 

to bringing too much weight on board

*

lives on the verge of going under

we were trying our best to bring them to shore 

to steadier ground

to brighter days

*

and to keep our heads above water

also;

to keep air in our lungs

too.

*

Barely enough hands to bucket out 

the water we kept taking on

but I watched everyone do

what we needed to do

to stay afloat

to bring everyone

where they desperately

needed to be.

*

Captain, can you help this one too?

*

I threw life vests to my friends

asked two friends to share one vest, if they could?

*

We all cast our private weights aside

to make room for the weight 

of the lives we kept taking on

to save energy

to keep scooping water

to stay afloat.

*

We took breaths

to shape our words

for comforting others

the ones we couldn’t get to shore that day.

We are so sorry.

We tried.

*

And at the end of the day

we couldn’t find quite enough breath

to form the words 

for ourselves

yet.

*

I slept a restless night

dreamt of pests

invading my garden

what do you suppose that meant

*

I sat in the sanctuary

and the preacher began to preach 

on hope

*

and suddenly 

the tears came up 

from the deep bilge of my ship

from all that water I’d taken on

*

and I let the tears run

to offload the weight

and I breathed

slow hope into my lungs

so I could set sail

across stormy waters

again.