In my TEDTalk from 2017, I made a comment about grief being a powerful teacher. I've been asked for elaboration on this statement a number of times since then, and I always pause in my response because I know it's true, but it's deep and difficult to explain on the spot. But it deserves a … Continue reading Grief as a Teacher (revisited)
joy
How My Patients and Families Help Me in Seasons of Suffering
When I and my husband had our back-to-back medical crises in 2023, me getting a breast cancer diagnosis followed by him getting a severe spinal cord injury resulting from the most random epidural abscess, I continued working through the bulk of that entire year (minus a week for post-op lumpectomy recovery, and the month I … Continue reading How My Patients and Families Help Me in Seasons of Suffering
Self Care: The Value of Solitude and Introspection
In all my 14 years of PICU nursing, I've never quite experienced the overlapping volume and intensity of suffering, moral distress amongst nurses, death, and anger from patients' families that our unit experienced this past August - October. The bike accident that snuffed out a teenage life in a moment. The newly diagnosed cancer patient … Continue reading Self Care: The Value of Solitude and Introspection
My EndWell Talk is Live! Practioner, Parent, Patient
Being invited to speak at EndWell's annual symposium last year was such an incredible honor. I LOVED giving this talk. People say all the time, "I don't know how you do the work that you do as a pediatric ICU nurse without being overwhelmed by all the emotions." "I don't know how you can be … Continue reading My EndWell Talk is Live! Practioner, Parent, Patient
Podcast Episode: A Year of Shocking Diagnoses
What is it like to be an average family - parents and two kids - in which your year begins with the mom receiving a cancer diagnosis, and then the dad suffers a severe spinal cord injury just as the mom moves into remission and preventative hormone therapy? This was our year. For the first … Continue reading Podcast Episode: A Year of Shocking Diagnoses
Part Two of Three-Part Series: Reckoning with Illness and Death
"In the first post of this series [for my church blog], I shared the story about how I received a breast cancer diagnosis just a few minutes before my friend Susan announced her benign results from her own recent biopsy. I confronted the reality that sometimes, God says no to our prayers for things to … Continue reading Part Two of Three-Part Series: Reckoning with Illness and Death
the liminal space of serious illness with good prognosis
I'm strong and frail Depending on who is asking Who is listening to the text and subtext And who is listening only for what they are listening for . Who catches the hesitations in my sentences The eyes dropped at a certain moment The laughter I offer To ease our tension To assure us we … Continue reading the liminal space of serious illness with good prognosis
A Mini Collection of Lighter Moments
By nature, a pediatric ICU sits heavy about 95% of the time. That's held true, and then some, for what's going on in our unit this week. But once in awhile, we can have fun too, and with the backdrop of such heaviness and grief, I cherish those light moments all the more. Here are … Continue reading A Mini Collection of Lighter Moments
Grief and the Good and Hopeful Life
In my last blog post, I took a birds-eye view with some thoughts on why we don’t know what to do with grief. I’m not trying to talk us out of grief by rationalizing. It only makes sense that we don’t readily know what to do with grief. It can hurt like hell. Its existence … Continue reading Grief and the Good and Hopeful Life
Anchor for the Years
Ten years into being a pediatric ICU nurse, I find I still grieve the saddest patient cases the same way I did from day one. It hits the day after with unpredictable tears, and I'm discombobulated as I try to reorient myself to my "normal" life and all its demands on me as mama, while … Continue reading Anchor for the Years
The Heart of Nursing 